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Self Sabotage – Toxic patterns that are holding you back in business

For all Business Owners


Today, I want to help you avoid self-sabotage forever by giving you one key mindset shift that has the power to help you move towards your goals and no longer hold yourself back. I will also give you the three most toxic mindset patterns that every entrepreneur has experienced, unveil how you might be sabotaging yourself right now, and of course, show you how to eliminate this behavior for good.  Watch the video below, or simply read on.

What Is Self Sabotage?

Over the last nine years I’ve experienced a lot of trial and error and a lot of struggle, and I self-sabotaged a lot. Whenever things were going well and I was succeeding and thriving I thought, “I better keep myself small. Am I going too fast? Am I growing too fast? Is this becoming too much for me?” I was afraid of losing it all. Whenever things became difficult and challenges presented themselves, I thought, “Oh, is this not meant for me? I’m not going in the right direction. I’m making mistakes. I should stay small.” So no matter what was happening, I sabotaged myself to stay small and stay safe. Until one day when I started looking at my business and my decisions very differently, and it all came down to just one mindset shift. And I want to teach you this one mindset shift today.

But first, let’s talk about self-sabotage and what it actually means. From my experience, people self-sabotage in two ways.

  • First, they sabotage themselves when things go too well. Yes, it’s actually possible, and I’ve done it too.
  • The second way that people self-sabotage is when things don’t go well. Something happens; an issue comes up, you experience some sort of pain, it’s scary, you’re doing something new, or something makes you feel uncomfortable.  And then you think, “Maybe I’m doing something wrong. Maybe I’m not meant for this. Maybe I’m not strong enough. Maybe this is not good for me, my family, or my friends,” and you start to pull back. You start to retract, keep yourself small, and you sabotage your own success.

When I launched my business and got my first coaching clients, my friends said, “You better be careful. Do you really know what you’re doing? Can you handle them? Do you really know how to get them results?” And then people said, “You know what? You’re changing. You’re making more money. You’re different than us. You don’t have a corporate job anymore.” And I actually lost some of my best friends that way. But there and then, I realized I had a choice. Stay the same, keep the friendship, or move towards my goals and endure the pain of losing some friends and making some new ones.

The Mindset Shift

So in both scenarios, whether you’re succeeding or you’re not succeeding, you can self-sabotage to the point where you’re keeping yourself from your biggest goals. And here is this one simple mindset shift that literally changed everything for me. Everything happens for a reason, and what can I learn from it? So when you start to look at your challenges as lessons, and they’re there for a reason to teach you something, you can actually grow through them. You can learn to embrace them, and you will step through whatever presents itself to you in your business and your life. As a result, you will come out a better, stronger, more inspired person.

At the same time, when you’re flying high, at the top of it all, and successful, you may be thinking it’s all going to crumble away. So ask yourself what you can learn from those emotions and what do they mean. Maybe they mean that you’re experiencing something new. Maybe you haven’t done it before. Maybe you’re just insecure. But those feelings and thoughts don’t mean that you should be pulling back. When you’re looking at your challenges and your successes in this way, you can actually step away from the negative or positive emotion, and you can look at things a lot more neutrally and objectively, which will help you make the right decisions and move forward powerfully.

Three Toxic Patterns

Let’s talk about the three most toxic mindset patterns, how you might be self-sabotaging right now, and how to eliminate this behavior.

  • Perfectionism and Analysis Paralysis – I’m sure you’ve experienced perfectionism before. Maybe you’ve built a website, a sales page, or a program, or you’ve designed something, and you have agonized over it for days or weeks at a time. You try to make it perfect and test everything a thousand times, and you never actually launch it or roll it out. That comes from fear of failure. That is, “What if I put it out there and it all goes away? What if nobody wants it? What if I feel rejected?” So instead of actually trying something, we self sabotage so much that we actually never fully implement what we’re meant to do or put ourselves out there.  And the solution to this is asking yourself, what can you learn from this? Obviously, sabotaging yourself and making everything perfect is not realistic, right? Everybody knows that. And at some point, you have to say, “Enough is enough. I’ve worked on this hard, I’ve done my best, and now it’s up to the market to see if it’s actually going to work.” When I work with my clients in Brand Your Passions, I give them permission to just be who they are. I tell them to be authentic. I tell them, “It’s okay to be yourself, and it’s okay to put something out there that you might feel is not perfect yet or not good enough. We’ll let the market tell us if they like it. Let’s test it, because then we have data, and we can actually improve upon what you created. We can make better slides. We can change the copy. We can change whatever we have in front of us. We can do it better, we can learn from it, and then we can go out there and have even better results.”
  • Victim Mode – That’s when we think, “Oh, poor me, nobody supports me.” Trust me, I’ve been there myself. I’ve been in places where I thought, “My husband’s not supporting me, my kids don’t like me anymore. My friends and my family…well, nobody’s there for me, and nobody understands me. And nobody wants to help me.” But that’s usually not true. People do support you and want the best for you, but they’re not you and they’re not supposed to take the action for you. You’re the only one who can make things happen in your business, and therefore you have to take the responsibility to say, “YES I’ll do it, YES I’ll take the action, YES I’m committed, YES I’m determined, and YES I’ll do it!” So instead of looking for blame and pointing the finger at other people, point the finger back at yourself and ask yourself what you can learn from this. What can you do and what can you control right now to help yourself move through this and have the success you want to have?
  • Not Giving Yourself Permission – This is a big one, and many people don’t realize how they’re self-sabotaging with this. Right now, you might be thinking, “I’m just not a good public speaker.” Or you might be thinking, “I’m never going to be good on video. I don’t look good, I don’t sound good, I don’t like the way I act or behave.” “I’m not a good designer.” “I’m not a good writer.” “I’m not good at math.” “I’m not good at creating websites.” “I’m not a good mom.” “I’m not a good partner.” Whatever it is that you’re telling yourself right now, stop it. Because you’re holding yourself back from what you could be. What if instead, you said, “I can become a good speaker.” “I can be a better mom.” “I can learn how to be great on video.” That’s a much more positive way of looking at things because guess what? If all you’re telling yourself in your mind is, “I can’t be a good speaker. I will never be able to talk well,” then you won’t be. You won’t be a good speaker, because when you’re telling yourself that you can’t do something, of course you won’t be able to do it. But instead ask yourself, “What can I learn from this?” and remind yourself that everything happens for a reason. When I first launched my YouTube channel, I thought, “I’m horrible on video. I can’t even speak this language. I can’t pronounce things. I don’t look good enough.” I was full of ideas and reasons why I should not be doing it. But then I thought, “What if I could be good? What if I could learn how to do it? What if I could study, and try, and try, and try again, I could be good on YouTube, and I could grow, and I could actually have a really good impact.” And here I am! So give yourself permission. Your thoughts that you can’t do something are a major form of self-sabotage that you need to be stopping right now. So if you think you can’t do something or you’re not good enough for something, change that mindset right now. Shift it to say, “I am allowing myself to be this amazing person I know I am meant to be.”

What would be possible for your life, your business, your career, your relationships, and your health right now if you started to say, “Everything happens to me for a reason, and what can I learn from it?” I am excited for you because I believe that you’re meant to bring your passions to the world. I believe you’re reading this right now because this contains a message that you need to hear, and it’s time for you to free yourself from self-sabotage so that you can skyrocket your business and finally fulfill your big purpose.

And if you now feel ready to finally let go of those chains, I would like to invite you to my free 60-minute training class, where I’m going to show you my three simple secrets and steps to get all the coaching clients you could ever want. In the class we’re going to talk about why selling high-end programs is much more profitable for you and better for your coaching clients. We will also talk about how to build a multi-million dollar coaching business by attracting quality leads over a high quantity of leads. And I’ll show you why marketing does not have to be complicated at all, as well as the marketing strategy I use in my own business to get coaching clients for my programs every single day.

I hope that you feel inspired to let go of some of those toxic behaviors that might have been holding you back. I hope you can adopt this one mindset shift I’ve given you today, which will propel you to new levels in your business, your personal life, your personal development, and everything you want and deserve. I want to see you succeed so badly. I’m on your side.

 

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